I think I am tuning back to my more emotional side. In the morning I felt a lot of turmoil and guilt. But now, close to 8 PM, I feel more home, closer to myself. I have convinced myself again that I am not evil, that I can actually embody virtue - and that is a far more natural way for me to be. It was always like that, honestly. More of a people over things preference - and now I am living by it again.
I am trying to put in the principles of emotional intelligence in practice and, honestly, it seems close to my ideal self-image to do so. In fact, honing in to what I prefer to see myself as probably makes me more bearable especially to myself. I was performing too hard, but now I notice it was inauthentic and incongruent with my wider goals/values.
The next days will prove to be quite interesting as well. At last, I feel at home. I must watch out what goes in and how I choose to cater myself to the world - whether it be the one without or the one within. And to think that this awareness always had a spot somewhere within me, and yet in the morning I was filled with such hatred and frustration... I knew it was unnatural. And it showed that it indeed was. I was just... confused.
The confusion being akin to why I even wanted to deal with that woman, 2 months ago...